386 + 282 Weeks

It is hard to write about this week after the drama that happened tonight.  Looking back, things weren't too bad, but tonight was ridiculous.  Arley was stomping around the house shouting at everyone, Carmie was hysterically crying because she flew a paper plane into my face, and it all went on for a good hour.  Arley lost his iPad for the day tomorrow and spent five minutes in his room for shouting.  It is so hard to know what to do sometimes, because I get such conflicting advice from all of the different therapists, and all of the books and podcasts I absorb.  I have been a 'gentle parent' for so long, and the kids just walk over me, but then when I set rules and follow through on consequences, all hell breaks loose because we all butt heads, which is also what I've been told not to do.  It's all very confusing, and very stressful.  Carmie has been super emotional lately, and Arley has been quite aggravated this week.  They haven't been on a morning walk in three days, maybe that is the problem?  We are definitely heading out tomorrow morning, first thing.

We did do some nice things this week though.  Arley had his friend Kai over for a play after swimming on Friday, and it went really well.  Kai didn't want to go home.  Arley has also been playing with Jemma a whole lot - he waits for her to come home every day so they can play together, and he has been spending long afternoons at her house.  Her family is moving to Wagga in a few weeks, and Arley is really sad about it (which his therapist says is a really good thing!).  Arley also had a Daddy day this past weekend.  They went to Mollymook park for a play, and then to the beach hut to get a milkshake.  I spent some lovely time at home playing games with Carmie, which we really needed.

The kids and I spent Tuesday at the Bommie beach.  Carmie was desperate to have a fire, so we bought a flint and learnt how to use it.  It was hard work, but we did manage to get a fire going.  Then we ate lunch at the beach, did some exploring, and the kids climbed the rocks and tried to give me a heart attack.  It was the most beautiful day there.  I will really miss that beach when we move, it is so secluded.

Speaking of moving, we had two house inspections this week.  Both parties loved the house and location, but didn't like the liquid amber trees in the back yard.  Such a downer.  We have been waiting so long to move, it feels like it will never happen.

The kids have been continuing all of their activities.  They are still loving their horse riding, and Carmie is steering her horse around and trotting so well.  Arley is finding it a bit more difficult, but still loves it.  At drama today, he actually put his hand in an inkpad to make a handprint, and it was the first time in his whole life he has voluntarily gotten his hand messy.  I couldn't believe it.  We have a few more weeks of activities until the holidays come around, and then all activities and therapies stop.  That is pretty scary for me, but I am also looking forward to the break, having our time to ourselves again.

Here are some videos of the kids this week.  The first is Arley spelling - he really is a savant, considering I don't do schoolwork with him, and he is supposed to start kinder next year.  The second is a video of the kids doing Carmie's dolphin dance - she does it often, and it cracks me up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef0I-Zwtrd0&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYSEk-vlScA&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDq0O2xm8uQ&feature=youtu.be

Arley and his super amazing colouring-in

 Kai and Arley

 To the Bommie

 Daddy day

385 + 281 Weeks

It has been a good week - things seem to be falling into place.  Arley was only put outside once this week, and that was six days ago.  No more hitting, no more physical violence.  In fact, he had a great week, with just a few episodes of anger and name-calling.  We have been walking the beach every morning, and I think it really helps to calm him down.  The kids were becoming a little resistant to the beach walks, but I just kept making them come with me, and then on Wednesday I woke up, and Carmie was sitting at the counter eating breakfast, ready to go, and Arley rolled out of bed, asked for cereal and then left with us happy as Larry.  Today we couldn't go as Carmie had a dentist appointment, so I woke up early to go on my own.  When I got home, Arley had been awake for about 10 minutes, and he was so angry that I went without him.  So, fingers crossed that we can make this stick.  Today Arley was unsettled and a little disregulated, and I'm sure it's because he didn't get his exercise.  All of these therapies we are doing seem to be taking hold.  The bad news is that I have to get Carmie assessed, as Arley's OT is sure that Carmie has dyspraxia.  We will tackle that in the new year, but it looks like I have a lot more therapy to get my kids to :(

So, I don't remember if I have mentioned that Arley is a spelling wiz.  I quizzed him on one of our beach walks, and he can spell science, experiment, microscope, construction, ocean, knife...the list goes on.  I couldn't believe it when he was getting them all right.  I need to get him into a spelling bee.  Just worried about what he'll do to his opponent if he loses!  :)

Carmie had a daddy day this past weekend.  They went to the duck park for a play, and then off to get ice cream.  She also got her hair cut into a short bob.  She has a very sensitive head, and brushing it is always a nightmare, so yesterday we had her hair chopped off.  She loves it, I love it, she looks super cute.  

We looked after our friends' dog, Casper, this weekend too.  Bella just loves having Casper around.  So does Arley, for that matter.  He was constantly outside with them, chasing them around.  We also made a paper mache volcano and erupted it with vinegar and baking soda.  The kids loved it!

So, all in all it's been a really good week!

 Park play with Dad

 Our neighbourhood blue tongue

 Arley took this shot of me.  Maybe there's a photographer in him!

 Mount Willbanksia

384 + 280 Weeks

I don't know where to start, because it has been such a tough day today, but such a good week overall.  I am emotionally spent right now, so am feeling quite sad about things, when I shouldn't be, as Arley had one of his best weeks in a long while.

It was his turn to do a Daddy day this past weekend, so Jeffrey took him to the duck park at Burrill, and then for a milkshake, and then to the fig tree park at Milton.  You can see by the photos below how happy he was, and how calm.  He just loves the time spent with his dad.  In fact, both kids do.  Carmie adores her father, and she is very much looking forward to her day with him this weekend.  When they were at the park, Carmie and I went in to town to get her ears pierced!  She was all set, chose her earrings, was in the chair with little marker dots on her ears, earrings were in the guns, guns were at her ears...and she looked petrified.  I asked her if she still wanted to do it, and she totally chickened out!  So, we have to save the earrings for when she gets braver.

We had a park day with friends on Sunday.  It was a really lovely day at Mollymook, with perfect weather and lots of kids to play with.  The kids all got on well with no disasters, and Carmie and Arley really enjoyed themselves.

As part of my own health effort, I have started walking on Mollymook beach every morning, before breakfast.  On my third morning, Arley was awake and insisted on joining me.  I was kind of bummed because I wanted some much-needed alone time.  However, it turned out great - he had so much fun and it was really pleasant spending the time with him.  The next day, we brought Carmie with us, and we walked the whole length of the beach and back.  Carmie was soaked and ended up in her underwear (so typical!).  We got home hungry and tired, and then Arley had his best day ever.  Literally.  He was so calm, self-reliant, kind, happy, focused...and it lasted all day.  I could not believe it.  He has never not needed me, needed cuddles, complained, annoyed, hurt etc etc, at least once.  But on Tuesday, after our long walk, he was just amazing.  The problem is we haven't been able to do it again, because that night he had a sleepover at his grandparents', and this morning it was raining.  The other bonus is that he has to wear shorts and sandals down there, and take his shoes off for the walk, and all three things are such big hurdles for him.  It makes him wear sandals and shorts for the rest of the day, and that is such a feat!

Arley was put outside three times this week for hitting, and it was all in one day, so our new tactic is definitely working.  He had such a lovely morning today too.  And then we went to playgroup, and the weather was still dreary.  Arley wanted to play hide and seek, but the other kids didn't want to, and he doesn't quite know how to play open-ended games or free-play, so he got a little disregulated.  Finally they all started running around outside, and he was all smiles...until he was playing chase, right after Carmie who darted around this angled pole, and he ran right into it.  Smashed his cheekbone.  It sounded dreadful, and he went into a crazy rage.  He was trying to hit Carmie with a chair, and they had to lock him outside with me until he calmed down and stopped calling everyone idiots.  I felt so bad for him, and he wouldn't let me help him.  He was in so much pain, and he was so very angry.  It put him in a bad place for most of the afternoon - quite volatile, and he had an episode with his dad at dinner tonight.  It was awful.  Jeffrey doesn't go through all the therapy with me, so his reactions are different, and Arley just doesn't understand them.  It is really tough.

Anyway, I have hardly any photos of Carmie this week.  She has been an angel, of course.  She even has started doing a little writing, and lots of drawing.  I am actually impressed by some of her drawings this week, and of course that makes me totally happy.  She is very helpful around the house too, and even made her dad scrambled eggs for lunch today, for when he popped in from work.  She is very affected by her brother, I really feel for her sometimes.  Thank goodness she is such a happy sweet little thing.

 Arley's insane first letter to pen-pal Prita

 Park play with friends.  That's her old pal Cassie

 Morning walk on the beach

 And he's back into his colouring again.  Saving grace!

383 + 279 Weeks

Well, we have had some big challenges and some big successes this week.  We started behaviour therapy on Friday morning, because of Arley's aggression.  The therapist told me that every time Arley hurts anyone, or even invades their body space, he has to be put outside on the back patio.  She said to ignore all name calling, and we are only to work on the aggression right now.  During our session, Arley put on a fine display, lots of yelling and screaming and trying to control me.  Anyway, afterwards I told him the new rule, and it didn't take long for him to hit Carmie, and out he went.  He HATED it!  He completely lost it out there, and was banging on the glass, kicking, even head banging, and it was truly heart breaking.  Finally he asked for a cuddle, so I brought him in to cuddle, and he calmed right down.  The next day he swung a toy right in Carmie's face, so he was put out again.  Within 20 seconds (with lots of screaming and crying) he said he needed a cuddle, so I let him in, and he said, "Ha!  I only said that so you'd let me in!" and then he started all over again, so out he went again!  I think in the course of those first four days he was put outside 6 times, and now it has been two days without hitting or kicking or poking.  I'm sure it is not over, but it has been really lovely not being "beaten up" by my five year old.

However, he has totally upped the name-calling.  We tried to ignore it, but Carmie couldn't, so I thought of a new tactic.  I told Arley that every time he says something mean, I can't hear it because my brain switches it to something nice.  So when he screams "Idiot!" I say "Thank you so much, I love being called beautiful!".  It drives him crazy.  And it is a really easy way to keep my cool in the face him hysterically screaming everything nasty he can think of.  Jeff does it too now, and so does Carmie.  He had a tantrum at the beach, and I took off walking, to get him to follow me and blow off steam.  He called me every name under the sun, and verbally abused me for a good 15 minutes, and then he hit me.  I took him by the shoulders, and said, "You can call me beautiful as much as you want, but you cannot hit me!" and he screamed, "I did not call you beautiful!!!!!"  He totally believes it :)  After we have extinguished the hurting, he will be put outside every time he calls a name, but we have to work on one thing at a time.

The kids have been doing a lot of floor play this week, which is great, because Arley seemed to skip that whole element of play when he was a toddler.  I am sure he is building skills that he missed.  We also had a beach day at North Mollymook, and I was able to bribe Arley to take his shoes off and get his feet in the sand again.  Carmie just loves jumping out in the waves with Jeffrey, and she cannot wait for summer to start.  We also got out to Collers Beach one day, and Carmie discovered "Climbers Cove", her new hideout.

We also continued with the kids' horse riding.  Carmie is learning to trot on her own, and she loves it.  Arley is a champion at drama, still brave and only needing me to stay for a couple of minutes.  We have instituted "Daddy Day" and the kids take turns spending a day with their dad doing whatever they want.  They love it, and it is really great to get the kids separated and to spend time with them individually.  Every morning Arley and I eat breakfast out on the front lawn, and pretend we are at the beach, and then Carmie joins us and we all go for a scoot together.  It is a really nice way to start the day.  And, it was mine and Jeff's 10 year anniversary this week.  I can't believe it, it really doesn't seem like 10 years!  The kids spent the night at their Lolo and Dida's so we could celebrate :)

Here are some videos from this week:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYDFw5fKtZ0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdcEKshVCTc

 Beach day at North Mollymook

 Collers Beach